By Jerry Staton

A Different Kind Of Clear

Pay toilets are a huge revenue generator that the "church" has overlooked,



It appears that Scientology has some new competition in the form of an enema peddling late night infomercial. According to the infomercial, the cause of human misery and suffering is not body thetans as Scientology claims, but 50+ lbs of un-evacuated fecal matter that each and every one of us carries around with us everyday of our lives. Unlike Scientology, this theory actually has backing within the scientific community from evidence garnered from autopsies and medical exams. Has anyone ever seen a body thetan? I think not. Whereas a "win" in Scientology is actually quite subjective, a win from practicing the infomercial's philosophy is pretty much undeniable--the proof is in the pudding, so-to-speak. All this time Scientologists have been auditing and "running down," and shelling out huge amounts of money and time to reach the state of being known as clear when all they've ever really needed was increased fiber in their diet and a really good bowel movement! The pay toilet idea doesn’t sound so crazy now, does it?

Q: Why did the Scientologist quit his job as a snow plow operator?

A: No matter how long or hard he audited the streets, they just refused to become clear.